Events of this week so that I may not forget them. The undepressable sky, marvels of nature and my city, my own puzzling asymmetry.
I’ve been absorbing beauty, looking outward, at times to dismiss turning in. This last month has been marked by avoidance. Escaping reality and the pit of depression this year is trying to bury me in...yet I crawl out, only to be offended by the sun. It’s not all doom and madness. It’s not all existential dread—but a resistance. To normalcy, convention, to action, decision, risk and harm simultaneously smiting the way things are.
I am trying to find my way. Nice as it sounds, it is not always enough. Our own efforts, our own desires, our own willpower. It’s not always enough and I can’t say I’m trying my best.
What is it we need, individually and collectively?
Support? Perspective? Chemical rearrangement, planetary shifts and pandemic lifts?
There is a lingering disappointment and victimization of 2020’s predicaments that force me to ask; do I want too much? Is that where this hole buries deeper, endlessly? Do I deserve my desires? And not yet understand how to claim them?
We’re always told; claim our power. Manifest our dreams. Set our boundaries. Demand respect. Be ourselves.
But we are given no guides, only suggestions in a language with no translation.
Pardon my rambling. I need a place to set this down. It is not always love, light, peace and happiness as we presume, as we comfortably take in on our applications daily. There is no light that doesn’t cast a shadow. To ignore it is part of the crime.
This photo was taken at my former residence in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam
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